Love Words to Him | Relationship Wife and Husband 69
Topic: Love Words to Him
Love language Positive words.
Rick Twain once said, ‘I can live happily for two months on a good compliment. ‘ If we take Twain literally, our emotional love tank will be filled with six good compliments each year.
Your spouse may need a little more praise. Emotional love can also be expressed through words. Solomon, the author of ancient Hebrew intellectual literature, wrote, ‘In the tongue lies the power to confer life and death. Many couples have never learned to harness this tremendous power of words to support each other.
Solomon has also said, ‘A sad heart brings down a man, but a good word lifts a man up. 2 words of praise or words of praise are powerful communicators of love. Love Words to Him A lot of love can be reflected in simple compliments like You look beautiful in this suit.
You look amazing in these clothes. No one in the whole world can make potatoes like you. I love your hand aloo sabzi very much.
I am glad that you are cleaning the dishes in the night itself. Thank you that you called the babysitter today. I want to say that I have noticed this. Thanks for throwing away the trash.
If husband and wife start hearing such words of praise regularly then surely the emotional level of marriage will rise up. Many years ago I was sitting in my office.
A woman came down the hall and asked, ‘Can I talk to you for a minute? ‘Yeah, come in. ‘ She sat down and said, ‘Dr. Chapman, I have a problem. I can’t get my husband to paint my bedroom. I have been following him for the last nine months. I have tried in every way, still, I have not been able to get him to paint the bedroom. ‘
The first thing that came to my mind was to say to her, ‘O Goddess, you have come to the wrong place. I am not a paint contractor. But I said, ‘You tell me in detail about this. ‘ The woman said, ‘Take the same thing as last Saturday. do you remember?
What a nice day it was Do you know what my husband did all day that day? He kept on washing and shining his car. “‘So what did you do?’ I went out and said to him, ‘Bob, I don’t understand your actions. They painted the bedroom?’ I asked. What should I do?’ ‘No. The bedroom isn’t painted yet.
Give it. Can’t you clean the car, but I want to paint the bedroom. ‘Want to get the bedroom painted?’ ” “Are you sure your husband knows you’re from him
Absolutely, I have been following him for the last nine months. ‘ ‘Let me answer one more question. Is your husband doing a good job? “” means? ‘ ‘Yes,’ he replied, ‘they do most of these things. “So I have two suggestions. First of all, do not talk about painting the bedroom in front of them again.
‘ I repeated, ‘ do not bring this issue to the discussion again. ‘ He said, ‘I don’t understand what is the use of this? Love Words to Him “The goal of love is not to get the other person to do what we love, but to do something for their good. It is a fact that when we are praised, we are motivated to do better things.
” See, you have I have told that they know that you want them to paint the bedroom. After this, you do not need to repeat this thing again and again. They already know this. My second suggestion is that the next time they do a good deed, you should say a few words of praise to them.
When they take the trash out, say, ‘Bob, I want to tell you that I’m happy to have you throw out the trash. ‘ Don’t say, ‘It’s good that you remember throwing garbage; Otherwise the flies took it out in a few days. Would have been
‘ When you see him paying the electricity bill, put a hand on his shoulder and say, ‘Bob, you paid the electricity bill, I appreciate it. I know that many husbands do not do this and I want to tell you that I am impressed by your work. ‘ Whenever they do a good deed, say something in their praise every time. ,
What’s the point of getting it done? ‘
‘ I do not understand that in appreciation of these works I said in the bedroom foot, ‘ you asked me for advice. I gave you advice. And when she got up and went, she was not particularly happy. Three weeks later she came back to my office and was elated, ‘Your advice worked magic. My bedroom got painted.
’ She understood that words of praise come more inspiration than taunts and remarks. Tab 44 Yes, it’s a free consultation. ’ I am not advising to give false praise so that you can get your life partner to do the work of your choice. The goal of love is not to get the other person to do his favorite thing, but to do some work for his good.
It is a fact that when we are praised, we are motivated to do better things and are ready to do the things our spouse wants. Encouraging words praising spouse is just one type of positive word. The second type is encouraging words. Enthusiasm means giving courage.
We all feel insecure somewhere. We lack courage and due to this lack, we are not able to do many good deeds even if we want to. The hidden potential within your spouse will come to the fore only when you eliminate his insecurities with encouraging words. Alison always wanted to write.
During her college career, she did a few courses in journalism. He immediately realized that his penchant for writing was far stronger than his subject of study, history. Now it was too late to change the subject. But after college, and especially before having a first child, she wrote many articles.
She also sent an article to the magazine, but when the article was rejected and returned, it was time to send another article, Alison was writing again. Couldn’t muster up the courage.
Now that the children were older and had more Alison’s husband Keith did not pay much attention to Alison’s writings immediately after the wedding. He was engrossed in his business problems. And wanted to make his mark in the business world. But as time passed, Keith realized that the deepest meaning of life
Not in achievements, but in relationships. He began to pay more attention to Alison and her interests. One day he picked up an article by Alison and started reading it. After reading the whole article he went to Alison who was reading a book.
He said excitedly, ‘I don’t want to disturb your reading, but I do want to tell you that I just wrote your article ‘How to Make the Most of the Holidays? ‘ have read. Alison, how well do you write? It should be published in a good magazine. Your writing style is clear. Love Words to Him With words, you have drawn such pictures that I could see everything clearly.
Your style of writing is amazing. You should send this article to magazines. ‘ ‘Do you really think so? ‘ Alison asked hesitantly. ‘I know you have power in your writing. Let me tell you, this is a wonderful article. ‘ was Keith’s answer.
When Keith went back to his room, Alison hadn’t started reading at all. Keeping the closed book in her lap, she weaved her dream web around Keith’s words for thirty minutes. She was wondering if other people would like her writing style.
She remembered the rejection letter she had received years ago but thought she had changed and her writing was better than before. The scope of his experience has also expanded. Before getting up from her chair to drink water, Alison had made a decision.
She will send her articles to magazines to see if they can be published. Keith’s encouraging words were spoken fourteen years ago. Since then, Alison has published hundreds of articles in magazines and is now writing a book.
She is a great writer but it was her husband’s inspiration behind this which she got from his encouraging words and she took the first step towards getting the article published. Perhaps there is some hidden talent buried in your spouse too.
Maybe that talent is waiting for your encouraging words to emerge. Maybe she wants to attend a course to develop that talent. Maybe your husband feels the need to meet successful people in that field who can guide him about the next step to take. Your encouraging words can give your spouse the necessary courage and motivation to take the first step.
Keep in mind that I am not talking about pressurizing your spouse to get you to do the work you want. I am talking here about encouraging him to develop his interests, those interests which are already there in him. For example, some husbands force their wives to lose weight.
The husband says, ‘I am encouraging him’, but the wife finds this criticism and condemnation. You can encourage your wife only if she herself wants to lose weight. Unless he has this desire, then your words will be kept in the category of rhetoric.
No one gets excited by such words. They are always heard as words of criticism and condemnation in which condemnation is reflected, not love. 46 Encouragement requires looking at the world from your spouse’s point of view. First of all we have to find out what is important for our life. If your wife says, ‘I think I should join a weight loss course this time,’ you have a chance to encourage her.
Encouraging words could be something like, ‘If you’ve made the decision, let me tell you one thing. You will definitely get success in this. I like this habit of yours. Whenever you decide to do any work, you will definitely be successful in that work.
And if you have thought of losing weight then I am definitely ready to help you. Don’t worry about money at all, we will arrange it.
‘ These words will give your wife the courage to call a weight loss center. Encouragement requires seeing the world from your spouse’s point of view. First of all, we have to find out what is important to our spouse. Only then can we increase his enthusiasm.
With the encouragement of words, we try to convey the message, ‘I know. I keep I am with you how can I help you? ‘ What we are trying to convey is that we have faith in him and his abilities. your attention
We express this with words of appreciation and enthusiasm. Most of us have so much potential that we only develop some part of it in our lifetime. What stops us from turning our dreams into reality is a lack of courage. A loving spouse can play a vital role in the development of our talents. Of course, you may find it difficult to say encouraging words.
It may not be your primary love language. You may have to put in a lot of effort to learn this secondary language. This is more true if you use more words of criticism and condemnation. But let me assure you that whatever hard work you put in, you will get fruitful results. 47 Kind words Love is kind.
When we communicate love through words, we should use kind words. The same sentence has two different meanings depending on the way that sentence is being said. ‘I love you – if this sentence is said with kindness and tenderness, it will be called a real expression of love.
But ‘I love you? ‘ The question mark in the statement changes the meaning of the whole sentence. Sometimes our words say something and our way of saying them says something else. We are sending a double message. In this situation, our spouse interprets our message based on the way we say it rather than our words.
‘I will be happy to clean the dishes tonight’, if said in a harsh tone, would not be an expression of love. On the other hand, we can share sadness, hurt, and even anger in a compassionate tone, and that would be a sign of love. ‘I’m sorry you didn’t help me this evening’ – if said honestly and kindly, it would be an expression of love.
The speaker wants to tell something to his spouse something. He is trying to create intimacy by sharing his feelings. He is looking for an opportunity to find the ointment by telling the injury. If these words are said in a loud, hoarse voice, it will show condemnation and criticism instead of love.
The way we speak our words is very important. An ancient saint said, ‘A calm answer drives away anger. If
Your life partner is angry, upset, and using harsh words. And if you choose to love, you should likewise pay attention to the reasons behind the harsh words. Instead of using your hurt, anger, and discomfort, he should respond to you in a calm voice
Wants to tell you about the back of his feelings. You put yourself in his place and see the events through his eyes and then try to understand why he is so sad and angry. After this, you apply your kind words to his emotional lick.
If you have made a mistake, then accept your mistake and apologize to him. If you have not understood the reasons properly, then use kind words from your understanding. You will develop feelings of understanding and agreement and thus will not impose your point of view on him.
This is mature love. Love should be the goal of the development of the marriage. 48 & Mistakes are not kept in the book of love.
Past failures in love are not even accounted for. None of us are perfect. It is not necessary that we always do the right thing in marriage. We all have caused emotional hurt to our spouses at times. We cannot change the past. We can just admit our past mistakes and say that we were.
We can apologize and decide not to repeat the same mistake in the future. There is nothing I can do to ease the emotional hurt I have caused my wife in the past except to admit my mistake and apologize. When my wife makes a mistake and sincerely apologizes.
So I have the choice of justice or pardon. If I opt for justice and punish him for his mistake, then I become a judge and that criminal. Intimacy is impossible in this situation. Instead, if I choose to forgive. An atmosphere of intimacy can be created.
Forgiveness is the way of love. I am amazed how many people ruin their present by connecting them with their past. They drag the failures of the past to the present day and thus ruin a day of possibility. ‘I can’t believe you did that.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget this. You can’t even imagine how much you have hurt me. I don’t know how you are sitting so comfortably after such behavior? You should kneel on your knees and beg me for forgiveness., not me
I think I’ll be able to forgive you some time. ‘ These are not words of love, but words of bitterness, hatred, and vengeance. 49 We need to know each other’s desires if we are to have an intimate relationship. If we want to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.
The best thing we can do about past failures is to take them for granted. Yes, it happened. It definitely hurt. And it could still hurt, but he has apologized to you by admitting his mistake. We cannot erase the past, but we can accept history.
We can resolve to live today, free from the failures of yesterday. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a commitment. It is an alternative to showing mercy to the offender rather than continuing to express his guilt. Forgiveness is an expression of love. ‘I love you.
I care about you and I choose to forgive you. Although my feelings have been hurt, I will not bring them to the brink of my relationship. I hope we can learn from this experience. One does not become wrong by admitting one’s mistake. You are my life partner and together we will go from here together.
‘ These words show the love expressed in words of kindness. Backup The humble word love solicits, not demands. When I make any demand from my spouse, I become the foster and that child. This parent is telling a three-year-old what he should do.
This is important because the understanding of worldliness is not developed in a three-year-old child. We are equal adult partners in marriage. Of course, we are not perfect or ideal but we are adults and we are partners. We need to know each other’s desires if we are to develop an intimate relationship.
If we want to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.
What matters most is how we express our desires. If they come before us as a demand, then we have eliminated the possibility of inattention and this will make our life partner from us. Instead, if we express our needs and desires as requests, we are giving guidance, not an ultimatum.
A husband insists, ‘Miss your apple pie so much. Can you make an apple pie this week? I love your handmade apple pie. ‘ On the other hand, if the husband says, ‘You haven’t made an apple pie even once since the baby was born.
I don’t think I’ll get to eat apple pie in the next eighteen years’ so he doesn’t become an adult but behaves like a teenager. Such demands do not create intimacy. The wife who says, ‘Will you have time to clean up this weekend’ is expressing love by insistence.
But the wife says, if you do not clean quickly, the water will start flowing out of the house and the neighboring trees will start growing! ’ She is not speaking the language of love but is playing the role of an autocratic mother.
8 When you appeal to your spouse, you are giving positive support to his/her abilities and self-esteem. You are actually showing that she has or can do something that is meaningful and important to you. When you demand, you become a dictator, not a lover. Your spouse feels dwarfed instead of feeling positive.
There is an element of choice involved in insistence. Your partner can accept your request or reject it, because love means choice. That is what makes it meaningful.
Knowing that my spouse responds positively to my requests emotionally communicates that she cares about me, respects me, admires me, and wants to do something to make me happy. We cannot get emotional love by asking. .
If our spouse fulfills our demand on our request, then it is not an expression of love. It could be fear or guilt or some other emotion, but not love. Thus a request may create a possibility for the expression of love while a demand eliminates that possibility.
in many dialects. The ‘positive word’ is one of the five basic love languages. There are many dialects within this language. We have already discussed some of these and there are many more.
Many books and articles have been published on these dialects. All these dialects have this in common that they encourage the life partner. Psychologist William James believes that perhaps the foremost human need is the need to be appreciated.
Positive words fill this need of many people. If you are not a man or woman skilled in the use of words, if it is not your primary love language but you think it may be your spouse’s love language, then I suggest you keep a diary on which ‘positive’ The word ‘title’ is written.
Whenever you read an article or book on love, write down positive words from it. Whenever you hear a speech on love or hear a friend say something positive about a person, take those words off. In no time, you’ll have a pretty long list of words that you can use to express your love for your spouse.
You can appreciate your life partner behind his back too. That is, you can praise him in his absence. Eventually, someone will tell your spouse and you will get full credit for love. Tell your mother-in-law how nice your wife is.
When your mother-in-law tells your wife what you said, she will exaggerate and you will get more credit. When your wife is present, use positive words towards her in front of others.
Whenever you receive public recognition for an achievement, make sure you share it with your spouse. You can also try writing positive words. The advantage of written words is that they can be read again and again. I learned an important lesson about positive words and love languages in Little Rock, Arkansas.
My trip with Bill and Betty Jo was on a beautiful spring day. He lived in a house that had green grass, seasonal flowers, great views. The atmosphere was pleasant. Once inside I found that the wonderful atmosphere was left behind.
Their marriage was on the verge of collapse. After twelve years of marriage and two children, he himself wondered why he had even married. They could not agree on anything. The only thing they really agreed on was that they both loved their children.
Were. As I learned his story, I understood that Bill was crazy about the job. He had absolutely no time for Betty Joe. The daughter used to work part-time and her main aim was not to earn money but to get out of the house. Their way of avoiding each other was to maintain distance.
They were trying to keep their distance from each other so that their differences did not appear to be aggravated. But ‘Khali’ was written on the love tank of both. Words he told me that he was also taking marriage counseling, but that is not helping much.
He was also attending my marriage seminar and I was leaving the city the next day. Maybe this was my last meeting with Bill and Betty Jo. I decided to keep all my eggs in one box. I spent an hour with both of them separately. I listened carefully to both of them.
I found that in spite of the emptiness and differences in the relationship, they were both appreciating some of the other’s qualities. ‘ Love Words to Him As a mother, she is commendable,’ Bob admitted. She is a great housewife and also cooks good food. But I don’t get any sign of love from him.
I work day and night but she never praises me. ‘ In my conversation with Betty Joe, she agreed that Bill would make good money. But he complained, ‘He doesn’t do anything to help me in the house and he never has time for me. What’s the use of a house, car and other things when we can’t enjoy them together?
‘ I decided to give the same advice to both of them. I told Bob and Betty of the changing seasons separately that they both have the emotional present of marriage,’ the key is to let go of the other person’s grievances. ‘
Love Words to Him Compliment the things you love, and your criticism We revisited the list of their positive points about each other and asked to make a written list of these. The activities of Betty’s mother, housekeeper, and cook were prominent on Bill’s list.
Bill’s hard work and economic prosperity were special in Betty Joe’s list. We have tried to make these lists as concise as possible. Betty Jo’s list went like this: I am hardworking and agile. He did not take a day off from work in twelve years. he does his job
* He has got many promotions over the years.
*He is always thinking of ways to improve his productivity.
*He pays the house rent every month. He also pays electricity, water, and gas bills.
*He bought the car three years back.
* He mows the lawn and calls in someone to look after the garden every week in the spring and summer.
In the autumn when the leaves are falling,
*He calls someone to do the cleaning.
*He spends a lot of money on the food and clothes of the family.
He says that I can spend the money I get from part-time work however I want. She makes the bed every day. Cleans the house with a vacuum cleaner every week.
Every morning she sends children to school with a good breakfast. Cook’s dinner three days a week. Buys groceries. Helps children to do homework. Love Words to Him She takes the children to school and church. She teaches in a good Sunday school. She does the laundry and gets the press done.
I suggested to them to add to the list the good things they see in the coming weeks as well. I suggested they complement their spouse on some good aspects twice a week. I gave another guide.
I told Betty Jo if Bill was praising her, don’t just start praising her, but simply accept the compliment and say, ‘Thank you for saying that. ‘ I told Bill the same thing. I told them to do this experiment every week for two months and if it helps Pame
If the environment improved, it could also be increased. If this experiment does not prove to be helpful in improving the emotional season of marriage, then leave it as another failed attempt. The next day I boarded the ship and returned home.
Two months later, I thought of calling Bill and Betty Jo. When I called them, they talked to both of them separately. I was surprised to find that Bill’s attitude had completely changed. He knew that I had given Betty Joe the same advice I had given him, but it didn’t make any difference to him.
He liked it She was praising him for his hard work and financial success. ‘ He made me feel like a man once again. We still have a long way to go to get closer, Dr. Chapman, but I’m sure we’re on the same track. ‘ When I spoke to Betty Jo, I found that her attitude had not changed much.
He said, ‘The situation has improved a bit, Dr. Chapman. Bill praises me as you suggested and I think he really appreciates me. But he still doesn’t spend even the slightest amount of time with me. He is so busy with his work that we cannot live together.
‘ * As soon as I heard Betty Joe’s words, the lights of my mind lit up.Love Words to Him I knew that I had made an important discovery that it is not necessary that one person’s love language should also be another person’s love language. Love Words to Him It was evident that the primary love language of the bill was ‘positive words’.
He was very hardworking and enjoyed his work but he wanted to hear the praise of his work from his wife. This need was probably established in his childhood and the need for praise was no less important to him in adult life as well.
On the other hand, Betty Jo’s emotional pain was something else. The compliment was good, but his deep emotional need was something else. This brings us to love language number two.
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