What are The Five Languages of Love | After marriage Step 1
Topic: What are The Five Languages of Love
Where does love go after marriage?
Somewhere between Buffalo and Dallas at an altitude of a thousand feet, he closed his magazine and turned to me and asked, ‘What do you do? “I replied casually, ‘I do marriage counseling and conduct seminars on how to improve marriages.’
That I have found the right person today. My question is, where does our love go after marriage?” I asked him, abandoning my hopes of taking a nap, ‘What do you want to say?
He replied, ‘I have married thrice and each time before marriage I felt as if I was in paradise. I don’t know what happened, why after marriage everything fell apart. – The lot of love I had for another vanished after some time of marriage. I also have common sense. And I am a successful businessman but I don’t understand why love ends after marriage
How long did your marriage last?
‘ I questioned. ‘ The first marriage lasted ten years. The second three years and the third about six years. ‘ Did your love fade away immediately after marriage or did it gradually subside? ‘ I asked. ‘ In the second marriage, immediately after the marriage, love vanished.
I don’t know how all this happened. At that time I had a feeling that we love each other unconditionally but our marriage collapsed during the honeymoon itself and we could never recover from that setback. We had only dated for six months and our romance was stormy.
Our pre-wedding romance was very exciting and fun. But after marriage, it seemed as if we were two enemy countries and war broke out between us. ‘ In my first marriage, our life was very pleasant for three or four years, until we had a child.
After having a child, I started feeling that all his attention has been focused on the child and now he does not need me at all. It seemed as if having a child was the only goal of her life and she no longer needed me after the baby. “Did you tell this to your wife? ‘, I asked. ‘Yes, I told him that. My wife said that I am talking nonsense.
She also said that I cannot understand her stress while she is taking care of the child a nurse 24 hours a day. He said that I should help him more, understand his condition better. I actually tried to do that, but it didn’t make much difference.
After that, we gradually moved away from each other. After some time the tree of love that was blooming between us had dried up, almost dead. There came a time when we both agreed that our marriage was over and we should part ways. “My last marriage? I thought it would be completely different.
It’s been three years since I got divorced. We dated each other for two years. I really felt that we both understood each other completely and maybe for the first time I was understanding the meaning of love. My heart was saying that she loves me unconditionally. After marriage, I did not feel that there was any change in me.
I him Keep showing love as before. I kept admiring her beauty as before, telling her how much I loved her, that I felt proud to be her husband. But after a few months of marriage, he started complaining at first about small things like not throwing out the garbage or not hanging his clothes but later he started pointing fingers at my character and also said that I have lost faith in me.
He also accused me that I was not loyal to him. Her personality was now completely negative, whereas before marriage she was not negative at all. She was very positive at that time. This quality of his had brought me so close to him.
Then she never complained about any subject, never criticized. Whatever I used to do before marriage, I liked it, but after marriage, whatever I used to do, I used to find fault in it. I don’t know what happened? But eventually, my love for him slowly eroded and turned into hatred.
It was obvious that his love for me had already ended. We both agreed that there was no use for us to be together anymore, so we parted ways. ‘That was a year ago.
Now my question is what happened to our love after marriage? Does what happened to me happen to everyone? Is this why there are so many divorces in our country? I can’t believe this happened to me three times.
And those people who do not get divorced do learn to live without love or does love really survive in many marriages? If love can survive even after marriage, then how? “The question that a friend in a plane was asking me is a question being asked by thousands of divorced people today?
Some are asking this question to their friends, some to counselors and religious leaders, and some to themselves.
Many times the answer is the Technical Terminology of Psychological Research And they are almost impossible to understand. Sometimes the answers are given in-jokes or in proverbs. Most of the answers are given in-jokes and proverbs and there is definitely some truth in them but it may be the same thing. Like we give aspirin to a cancer patient.
The desire for romance and love in marriage is rooted in our psychological structure. Almost every edition of popular magazines has at least one article on the subject of love in marriage. How to keep-alive
. Programs in this regard are broadcast regularly on television and radio. From this, we can easily infer that keeping love alive in our marriages is a serious problem, and it is not our problem alone but a major problem of modern society.
What are The Five Languages of Love Why is it that despite so many books, magazines and practical help, very few people know the secret of how to keep love alive after marriage? Why does it happen that a couple goes to a communication workshop, listens to amazing tips on how to increase love, but when they return home they realize that they cannot implement these amazing tips and amazing techniques in their life?
Why is it that we choose two or three ways out of a magazine article ‘101 Ways to Express Love to Your Spouse’ that we find particularly effective, try to adopt them, but do so much? Despite this, our spouse does not even know about our efforts? After this accident, we leave the rest of the 98 methods as they are and life goes on as before.
We must be prepared to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective orators in love. The goal of this book is to find answers to these questions. It is not that the books or articles which have been published earlier do not help in this direction. Our problem is that we overlook the fundamental truth that people speak different love languages.
There are several major linguistic groups in the field of linguistics: Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese, Greek, German, French, etc. Most of us learn the same language which is the language of our parents and siblings and this language becomes our primary or native language.
Later we can learn many other languages but it takes more effort and effort to learn them. These other languages become our secondary languages, but we speak most of our native language.
As much as we are aware of the caste. We cannot speak or understand in secondary languages as well as we can speak or understand in our native language. We are in a completely comfortable position when speaking the native language.
The more we use a secondary language, the more fluent and comfortable we become in it. If we only speak our primary language and meet someone who is speaking in their primary language (which is different from our primary language), our communication will definitely be limited.
We have to use signs, drawings, sounds, and actions to express our thoughts. We can communicate but it will seem awkward. Language variation is an integral part of human culture. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural divides, we must learn the language of the people with whom we wish to communicate.
The same is the case in the field of love. Your and your spouse’s emotional love languages can be as different from each other as English is from Chinese. No matter how hard you try to express your love in English, your wife will understand nothing because she can only understand Chinese.
That way you will never be able to explain to him how much you love each other. My friend on the plane was speaking ‘words of appreciation when he said to his third wife, ‘I kept praising her for her beauty as before, telling her how much I loved her that I loved her.
There is pride in being a husband. ‘ He was expressing love and he was serious, but his wife could not understand his language. Perhaps she was looking for love in his behavior and there she did not see love. Being serious is not enough.
If we are to become proficient in speaking the language of love, we must not only be prepared, but also eager, ready, and committed to learning the primary love language of our spouse. After twenty years of marital counseling, I have come to the conclusion that there are basically five languages of emotional love – five ways through which people express and understand emotional love.
In the field of linguistics, there are many dialects of a language. Similarly, many dialects are contained within these five basic love languages. That’s why articles like this appear in magazines, ‘Ten Ways Your Spouse Will Know You Love Him’ or ’20 Ways to Keep Your Husband at Home’ or ‘365 Expressions of Marital Love’. ‘ But don’t be under the illusion that the basic languages of love
10, 20, or 365. In my opinion, there are only five languages of love, although each of them has several dialects. In a love language, we can express our love in many ways and it depends on our imagination. The special thing is that you are speaking the love language of your spouse.
We’ve known for a long time that every child develops unique emotional patterns early in their childhood. For example, many children develop a pattern of low self-esteem and inferiority complex, while others develop a pattern of healthy self-esteem and self-evaluation.
Some develop emotional patterns of insecurity while other children grow up feeling secure. Some children feel that they are being loved, that someone needs them and they are being praised while many children feel that they are neglected, unwanted and therefore no one appreciates them.
Primary emotional love language develops in children who receive love from their parents. This love language is based on their unique psychological structure and also on the way in which parents and others express love to those children. They speak and understand only a primary love language.
They may also learn a secondary love language later, but they are more comfortable speaking their primary language. Children who do not get love from their parents and other people also develop their primary love language, but their love language is distorted in the same way as some children have wrong grammar or have a poor vocabulary.
A weak foundation does not mean that they cannot be good communicators. But this means that for this they will have to work harder than those people whose grammar or vocabulary is normal. Similarly, children who lack emotional love can understand and speak the language of love, but it requires more effort than those who grew up in healthy, loving environments.
Sometimes the primary emotional love language of a husband and wife is the same. We naturally speak our primary love language and we get upset when our spouse doesn’t understand our love language.
We express our love, but our message does not reach the heart of the other person, because the language in which we are conveying is a foreign and unfamiliar language to him. This is the fundamental problem and the purpose of this book is to solve it. That’s why I wrote another book on love
Have dared to write. Once we discover these five basic love languages and understand which is our primary love language, which is our spouse’s primary love language, we will be able to make the most of the information given in books and articles.
Once you know your spouse’s primary love language and learn to speak it, I’m sure you’ll find the key to a long, loving married life. It is not necessary that love disappears after marriage, but to maintain it, most of us will have to work hard to learn the secondary love language.
If our spouse does not understand our primary love language, then we cannot trust our native language. If we want to convey the message of our love to him, then we have to convey this message in his primary love language.